Tuesday, August 08, 2006

More inane ramblings...

It's funny how people come in and out of your life very quickly. I went out to drink with Mel as it's her last night in Cardiff and she's back to Oz tomorrow. She's been here 8 months and I've gotten to know her fairly well. Not in a best buddy kind of way but we were friends. Now she's leaving I'll probably never speak to her again. Obviously it's not because I dislike he, nothing of the sort. The more I think about it, the more I realise how much it's happened in the past. People I was close with in school - now there's a prime example. There are some people who I've never seen or heard from since even though we were really close. It's a similar situation with ex-workmates. Our lives take us down completely different paths which are unlikely to cross ever again. On the other hand, due to MySpace, old friends have gotten in contact with me, which I'm sure is a positive thing. I've not made my mind up about that yet though.

I suppose this is one of the reasons I have this blog, not too many people read it. My old blog had certain readers which meant I had to be rather careful about what I said and who I mentioned, but here it doesn't matter so much as I completely trust those who do read it. I probably wont slag anyone off still, I try my best not to do that and even if I do it's generally not because I dislike them, just more fed up.

Anyway, that was something that came into my head.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I just feel like writing at the moment, it'll probably just end up being a collection of things that happen to spring into my head!

I've just been practicing, it's too hot to do too much so I'm just doing half an hour at a time. It's amazing how much you can get done in a short space of time. After my lesson with Kyle, I feel like I've reached another level in my playing. There was one small piece of advice he gave me and I now feel like a completely different player. That's good tuition. I still feel I'm stuck in a bit of a rut though, but if my lessons keep going as they are I'll soon work my way out of it. I'm quite positive in that respect. I'm still really nervous about going to London but I think it's the best thing I can do at the moment. It means the plans I had for travelling after college will have to take a back seat, but if I'm having to prioritise, my playing comes first at the moment.

I think travelling would be just what I need. I sometimes wonder if I'm not as independent as I think I am. I want some culture, new people, new experiences and freedom. Who knows, London could bring that to me. I'm really going to miss Cardiff though. It's funny, when I was in London last, I hated it. Mainly because I was stuck in train and bus stations and it was about 35 degrees!

My train of thought has been interrupted by a call from Jonny. I rang him when I woke up this morning as I was suddenly extremely excited about going to see the Cat Empire on Tuesday. I was listening to them earlier and it made me so happy and joyful! They mean the world to me and I just can't wait!

Now my mood has been heightened somewhat. I feel like I'm going to pop like a balloon with excitement.

My brother was on TV just now on the Eisteddfod. I'm happy for him at the moment, and I think he's thinking about moving to London too which would be ace. My Mam would be a bit lonely, but that's just something she'll have to deal with. He's also very happy with Nicola. Now she's an interesting case. I haven't made my mind up about her yet. She's a nice person and means well but I get this feeling she's a little bit immature and insecure. She reminds me of someone else, always trying to prove they're cool or better etc. They're happy together though and that's good enough for me.

It's Brecon Jazz this weekend. I'm looking forward to it, it's just a shame that Polar Bear are playing the same time as us. I hope the weather is good and the vibe is good. It's my last ever gig to do with College so I want to go out on a high. Even though the band is a bit ropey this year, that's nothing to how it'll be next year with half the jazz department leaving. But that may be a good thing and a start of something new in the band.

That's enough for now. Another bit of practice is due. More later.
I'm hugely fed up at the moment.

I returned from Edinburgh 2 days ago and it's a really strange feeling I'm experiencing at the moment. I hate living back at home, I really do. It's weird and I feel bad saying it, but I'm my Mam's only company apart from the pets at the moment and she just doesn't leave me alone. She talks at me all the time about things i'm blatently not interested in at all and then gets all tetchy if I come across like I'm not interested. I've also turned into her fucking runaround. All I hear is 'Will you do this', 'Will you do that' etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I pull my weight when it comes to housework and chores but why should I have to go and buy her a bottle of wine all the time or go and get her cigarettes? She manages ok when I'm not here so she can bloody well do it herself.

Also, all the friends I want to spend time with are away on courses and the like. I find myself becoming a little upset sometimes actually. The people that are in my vacinity are people I can't bear to spend anymore time with as we're practically joined at the hip! Last night for example, a friend who lives 'round the corner had a free house, as did I, so it was automatically assumed that we'd do something. Last night all I wanted to was veg out with a can and my chips in front of a film. I know I just said I'm missing my friends, but last night was just one of those nights where I wanted to slob out on my own, but I couldn't 'cause my friend had to come over. To make it worse, this person is the type to take offence if I simply said I wanted to spend the night on my own. They're a bloody pain in the behind I tell you.

I feel like I have loads of pent up fustration and am close to bursting point. I had a great time in Edinburgh, but it wasn't relaxation time because of our gig. I desperately need a break otherwise I'm going to pop.

I think I'm just going to go and practice really really loudly now.