Saturday, May 27, 2006


I do believe in that in experiencing pain, you will also experience pleasure. It's not exactly an advanced principle, as most people can see the good things in a bad situation and those people are usually arseholes. Ok, slightly harsh. But I hate it when I'm really angry about someone or something there are certain people who go, 'Oh but you know, imagine how they're feeling', or something along those lines. No thank you. I want to remain angry and pissed off, I do not someone calming me down. I need someone agreeing with me and making me feel better. Sorry about that slight tangent, it wasn't what I meant to say really.

It's just that I've had a rotten few months, I mean really bad and I've felt to put it bluntly, fucking terrible. However the last few weeks have been wonderful and it's made me think a bit more, I mean it's like someone has been rewarding me for all I've had to put up with and it's made me so happy. I want to thank someone, but there's no-one I can thank!

I came third in the woodwind prize which was a massive massive morale booster. I personally thought I played quite rubbish, but it just goes to show how my old 'rubbish' is a lot worse than my current 'rubbish'. I'm working harder and it's rubbing off and I'm become more critical of myself as a musician. I'm feel much freer now than I ever did and I can't wait to do my recital!

Most importantly, after waiting patiently, I received a letter confirming that I have a place at the Royal College of Music next year. I was so happy about this, I spent a whole week grinning inanely to myself! I need to find £6k from somewhere but it'll be so worth it I don't care. I'm majorly excited.

Also the LSQ have their first Civil Partnership gig! Another exciting thing! My good friend Alan and the wonderful Tony are having a civial partnership ceremony in a few weeks and I'm so happy for them. It's such an amazing thing, I can't wait :)


Sunday, May 14, 2006

Hey gang.

I think today is my first day off for as long as I can remember. I've bought my paper, the Eastenders omnibus is on, I'm at home with my Mum with a cup of tea and a Tunnock's teacake. Life is good.

Just a note, all check out, it's brilliant. Every Sunday it's updated and people send in secrets on a postcard and some are posted every week. Some of them are really sad, some are filthy and some are downright hilarious.

Anywaaaaay, I'm not quite sure what I've come here to say, there's not much in the way of news in my life. I'm just plodding along, working for my recital most days, hoping to get a first this year. I've changed my programme so now it's more likely to give me a great mark, and I feel much more relaxed about the whole thing now. I just want it to be over.

I'm still not sure what to do about graduation, whether to have my parents sit together. They said they would, but I really couldn't care less, but I don't want to offend anyone by saying I'd rather they sat separately. I'll ask Nathan, 'cause I don't want him to be stuck in the middle of anything. Graduation is for the parents really, I don't care about it really, I'm more concerned about my recital.

Blah Blah. I've got into some Tom Waits recently, what a lovely voice. Oh, and I bought Paul Anka's album, Rock Swings with some great pop songs being covered, big band styleee. Highlights include Smells Like Teen Spirit, Eye of the Tiger, The Lovecat, The Way You Make Me Feel etc. Classic times. Anyhoooodle, things to do, places to be. Byee.

Monday, May 01, 2006

I am the Sky


What a funny few months I've had. It's been really bloody hard at times, but my outlook has changed and I'm feeling so much more positive than this time two months ago when I couldn't even begin to explain how I feel. I've decided not to alienate my Father anymore. I don't approve of the things he's done, but to villify him for what has happened was just making me far too upset. Since I have been more open and welcoming to him, I have felt much more comfortable and less tense and it's rubbing off in other areas which is great.

I'm feeling positive about going to London next year too. Though it pains me to leave Cardiff, I feel like I have no choice in the matter and it could make my career. I was thinking during a show the other night that I was surrounded by excellent musicians but working for pitiful money in the arse end of nowhere, and I couldn't wait to go. It might not work out, and if it doesn't, I can move back to Cardiff, nothing lost. I'm at the stage in my playing life where I could really make something of it, and I don't to throw that away.

It was really good to see Richie a few weeks ago, it took me back to last year which was just the best time ever, very happy and well, just great times. I hope he had a great time too. Oh that reminds me, the new Cat Empire CD, "Cities", is just incredible. I can't wait til August!

LSQ performed in the London Saxophone Competition on Saturday and came joint first, which is a complete cop-out. Annoyingly, the prize we wanted, a recital in the London Saxophone Festival, went to another quartet and we had a measly £250, which we can earn per hour of playing on some gigs. Oh well, it was a good experience but left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

There's lots more to say, but I haven't got the time or patience. Plus I have to practice for my excerpts exam on Wednesday, joyous.